JANUARY VERSES

RUEFUL

Dearest,

All those days,

I let you tread over me and gave you a place to stand,

and you with your untrained, weak bladder dog,

your clumsiness,

your laziness,

your unwashed clothes,

your dirty shoes and smelly feet,

stepped on my trust.

I hope you get pricked by the scraps of food,

bleed out with a paper cut

and stumble on my torn out, roughened edges

and I get to smother and roll up your inanimate, dead body

to it's rightful place.

Ruefully yours.

...............

I REMEMBER (DREAMS)

I remember

spending hours up on the roof on winter nights,

the cold of the floor seeping up my spine

like melting ice through my aching pores

as my bare hands traced lines and curves on the moon's surface,

and I counted one by one

the infinite number of possibilities

each star held for me.

The World had never felt any smaller.

I remember 

the first time I held a cigarette between my lips,

the silent scream of my lungs gasping for air,

the feel of the fiery pits of Hell in my tongue,

ashes like gunpowder

and the smoke rising, diffusing,

moulding into shapes like it were the calm spring clouds,

forming art.

Dying had never seemed more beautiful.

I remember

the constant scribbling of pens,

the endless chaotic noise inside my head

of thoughts clashing, clamouring,

crying like the wind through the hollow of the trees,

words flowing out the veins

like the twisting, tumultous sea,

carving life into poetry and metaphors and similes.

Life had never been more peaceful.

I remember

wanting to belong,

belong between the towering shelves of books

stacked neatly like the suitcase of a frequently travelling OCD patient,

the rusty smell of old books and new books,

the feel of the hard paperback and the leathery files,

the soft ruffling of pages,

the monotone ticktock of the grandfather clock

synchronized with my heartbeat

as I sought in once more in letters and words and between the lines

the stars, the moon,

the feel of life and death,

of chaos and peace,

one more place to belong,

one more reason to wake up everyday,

wanting,

hoping,

dreaming.

LOVE HER LIKE

Love her like

She's the raging sea,

Unrestrained and dark and deep.

And you crave her touch

Through aching pores

As you slowly drown in sleep.

Love her like

She's the tender storm,

A lovely shade of grey.

Like with every whiff

Of breath she takes,

She's taking yours away.

Love her like

She's the silent clouds

With calmness floating by.

Like you'd want to make

Sweet love to her

Under the moon's apocalyptic eye.

Love her like

She's the blazing fire,

And you lust the candied pain.

Like she's the disease

That swallowed you whole

And you'd like to die again.

When her gentle touch

Makes your chest explode,

And your addiction is your girl.

Promise you'll love her

Through hell and back,

Or don't you dare love her at all.

WHY PROCRASTINATE?

procrastination /prə(ʊ)ˌkrastɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/

noun

the action of delaying or postponing something: your first tip is to avoid procrastination.

synonyms : dithering, delatoriness, stalling, vacillation, temporizing, hesitation, etc.

"Your first tip is to avoid procrastination." If only it were as simple as that.

Had I been a superhero, my name would probably be "The Amazing Procrastinator" or something like that, a little less cheesier and lame-er perhaps, but you get the whole idea. It's a miracle really how I manage to get anything done at all considering what a lazy arse I am.

Take my blog for example. Believe it or not, but this is my third blog and third year blogging. Third year and only five posts? That's because I am a jaldo-baldo example of what a heavy procrastinator is. I had two different blogs previously, both of which sat idle for months with only a few posts and eventually got deleted. Third time's the charm, maybe?

And not only my blog, I have a long list of things I keep stalling. Like my account in Hello Poetry which hasn't seen any new post since September. Or my journal that I'd promised myself I'd write daily sometimes around Christmas of '013 and it's barely 100 pages yet. Or the short stories book I started writing waaaay ago and isn't even halfway complete. And exercising, yes, probably the most avoided thing ever. 
The only things I don't seem to procrastinate are eating, sleeping and lazying around.

Picture Courtesy: boredpanda.com

On the bright side, I'm not the only one, almost 80% of us are. And if you say you're not, some may be telling the truth but most of you are lying.

I remember my childhood days when I used to wake up earlier than everybody else, make my bed, do morning chores, even manage to study a few hours or so (considering I left at 7.30, now I'm barely awake at 7.30), come back home, do all my homework and projects that very day, again study, help around the house a little, play, read not-in-my-course stuffs and what not. Then somewhere along the way, my brain just seemed to develop a gap and adopt a cute, cuddly penguin enough to divert me from everything else. (Not that I got anything against penguins. I love them really ❤❤ )

Even this post took longer than it was supposed to because I spent all my evening going through useless things in the internet and stalking people on facebook (I swear I'm not creepy at all.)

So what really goes through a procrastinator's mind. Why do we procrastinate really? 

Truthfully, I have a bunch of excuses but no idea at all.

I recently read an article somewhere that the best way to overcome procrastination is to avoid procrastination. It's like telling a smoker that they should just avoid smoking, or a drinker that they should just avoid alcohol. It's not like we don't know that procrastination is harmful, we just don't know how to not do it.

Why work on the project when we can just spend bunch of hours streaming through YouTube videos? Why visit a new place and learn something when we can just sit on the couch and stare at a screen all day? Why exercise really when we know how good it feels to just do nothing but eat and sleep all day? 

The Distraction Zone as I like to call it, feels really comfy. Eat when you're hungry, play when you're bored and not think about anyplace or anytime beyond NOW.

Picture Courtesy: waitbutwhy.com

And then in the end, when we've been deeply affected by the Laziness Virus and are unable to push through the pile of "Have-to-do's" but "I-don't-really-want-to-do's", there comes the panic attack. The stress that keeps building more and more and keeps pulling you lower and lower until you eventually break down. 

Frankly, I had promised myself to write something here somewhere around a week ago and here I am one week later, thankfully for a few of my friends in Twitter who told me how they've been waiting to read something from me (I owe you guys big time).

So, although I'm not really sure if I can abide by it until the very end of the year, I've decided that this year's resolution for me is to try and overcome procrastination because everything else will just simply follow.

Not really an expert or anything, but here's how I plan to do it.

1. Realize that you've been procrastinating. Because admitting your problem is the first step to overcoming your problem. And this mundane post of mine shows that I've already completed the first step, so yaay for me.

2. Figure out why exactly are you procrastinating. Is your goal set too high? Do you lack planning and time management? Are you distracted easily? Are simply too lazy? 

3. Make a to-do list. It sounds very cliched but it helps. I've decided to make it even more simpler for myself by sorting things out according to their urgency.

4. Never lose your motivation. This is probably the hardest step of all. I, for one, lose my motivation sooner than I can even spell motivation. However, I've also discovered that a few big words from yourself and your friends can help a lot. Reward yourself for every time you not procrastinate with something as little as a chocolate or a new book, until self-motivation becomes a habit.

5. Stop making excuses. My very dear friend tweeted "I need to stop blaming the world and the universe for all my problems. I am my problem. And I am my solution too." Such wise friends I have. 

6. Don't wait for the right time. Remember how you said you'll study at exactly 5 pm, but since it's 5.01, you'll now start from 6 pm. Don't. The right time never comes if you keep waiting, just start it now and make it right yourself.

7. Remember to take a break every once in a while.  Just because your phone, internet, TV, friends distract you sometimes doesn't mean you ignore them altogether. I did that once and ended up getting more miserable.

8. Keep moving forward. Or just keep swimming as Dory would say it. Rome was not built in a day. You cannot lose 10 pounds exercising a day (believe me, I tried, not very proud of it.) You cannot complete your thesis in a day. And you simply cannot become a proud-ass non-procrastinator in a day.

Baby steps dawg, baby steps.
Just like this post here.
Which was supposed to be posted like a week ago.
But I'm still pushing on.
Because life is too short to waste procrastinating.

Picture Courtesy: www.stevemaraboli.com

Oh by the way, most of you probably came across this post while in the Distraction Zone, didn't you? 

And while we're at it, Happy New Year 2015, folks. One procrastinator to another. It's never too late really.