JANUARY VERSES

RUEFUL

Dearest,

All those days,

I let you tread over me and gave you a place to stand,

and you with your untrained, weak bladder dog,

your clumsiness,

your laziness,

your unwashed clothes,

your dirty shoes and smelly feet,

stepped on my trust.

I hope you get pricked by the scraps of food,

bleed out with a paper cut

and stumble on my torn out, roughened edges

and I get to smother and roll up your inanimate, dead body

to it's rightful place.

Ruefully yours.

...............

I REMEMBER (DREAMS)

I remember

spending hours up on the roof on winter nights,

the cold of the floor seeping up my spine

like melting ice through my aching pores

as my bare hands traced lines and curves on the moon's surface,

and I counted one by one

the infinite number of possibilities

each star held for me.

The World had never felt any smaller.

I remember 

the first time I held a cigarette between my lips,

the silent scream of my lungs gasping for air,

the feel of the fiery pits of Hell in my tongue,

ashes like gunpowder

and the smoke rising, diffusing,

moulding into shapes like it were the calm spring clouds,

forming art.

Dying had never seemed more beautiful.

I remember

the constant scribbling of pens,

the endless chaotic noise inside my head

of thoughts clashing, clamouring,

crying like the wind through the hollow of the trees,

words flowing out the veins

like the twisting, tumultous sea,

carving life into poetry and metaphors and similes.

Life had never been more peaceful.

I remember

wanting to belong,

belong between the towering shelves of books

stacked neatly like the suitcase of a frequently travelling OCD patient,

the rusty smell of old books and new books,

the feel of the hard paperback and the leathery files,

the soft ruffling of pages,

the monotone ticktock of the grandfather clock

synchronized with my heartbeat

as I sought in once more in letters and words and between the lines

the stars, the moon,

the feel of life and death,

of chaos and peace,

one more place to belong,

one more reason to wake up everyday,

wanting,

hoping,

dreaming.